To J. who is always at work ~C.B.

So i know that all of these pics are already here...but i was just thinking about you...your smile....your eyes....your hands....and your smell. I think that it is silly that we bicker so often...because, you truly are all that I think about. I would have never have believed that I would touch such perfect lips....or...that when I slept I would fit so well in the contour of someone's neck....or that I would be able to hold your hand...like we always have...but know that you wouldn't have to let go...unless we wanted to....That i wouldn't have to drop you off at a house or an apartment...that didn't belong to us...together....that I wouldn't feel that sinking feeling when you let go of my hand.... to run down one of several sidewalks....flowers on either side...watching you fade into some screen door..."your probably gonna leave huh carrie? Your probably gonna move to California....Philadelphia....London....before I get to see you again.....I love you.... call me tomorrow." Never a call me tomorrow...or cool down time at nine even though the fun was far from over....driving back by your apartment an hour later...after the store...seeing the warm glow of the lights and the flicker of the t.v. and know that you are there....with someone else....wondering if you are watching X-files....or painting....or filing your fingernails...and never having to pick up the dinner mess while you hang your head and follow someone's angry words... "What a stupid thing to do Jess. C'mon we gotta go home cuz we gotta study...c'mon jess"....or (the worst...so many years of our lives).... be home at 7:30...not one minute before....not one minute after."
And you....You always get the front seat....because it is yours...for better or worse...and I haven't left you...even in the rough times....not even for a whole day.
A dream come true...from 8 years old untill forever...even tired...even sore....even grouchy...but tomorrow...or the next day...or maybe the day after that...we will be lying together...sitting in the sand....or the grass...or driving somewhere silly like Thermop....or Buffalo....or just anywhere...and it will still be us...and me (angry or mellow) (sad or happy) enveloped in your face...your words....your thoughts....and your smell
Do I have to say I love you