Tuesday, November 25, 2008
painting in color as style by J.B.
J did this painting on commission from a friend. It is a copy of a black and white photograph that she wanted done. The painting is quite large...covered most of our living room.
disillusioned by sunlight ~C.B.
Oh how the sun teases as it peaks out of an eternity of grey skies. I, a lifelong sun worshiper,am disillusioned by the broken promises of warmth.
vague....by C.B.
Who knew….who knew what people thought of you?
Did you know that after you left…
Two years of snow covered ground and bees
Two years of the seasons….bugs, and decay
Of your dreams….of your house…
Of the security that you wanted to wrap your self in
Of the frozen Christmas cookies left in a tin….
hiding in the bottom of the Maytag….
that still stands there...running...alone...
Who knew that someone else….in a world
Far, far away… would light up at the mention of
Your name…of the memory of your glory…
of an invisible fame...
Yes, my dear, dear love….yet another…
Another dim Alter…
far from the candle wax that burns…
as it drips down the wall…as it engulfs this
memory darkened hall…
my aorta…clogging
my valves ...
with trinkets and old photos…
paper thin hands and dump perfumes…
but not for you!…
And, you were so beautiful…that someone
would rise from deathbed
and wrap their hair… for you …
who thought yourself absurd….
tiny orphan...child of a crime,
of passion and insanity…
Watching, with pain, the beloved blood that dripped from my arms…
The same angry blood that ran in daddy’s Sioux veins…
And out of the back of mother’s tired, poverty- stricken Irish head.
You…on hands and knees…cleaning house for
The rich…for the kids in the cafeteria…
For him…from job to job….to job… always standing
behind…
and he was there today too…
he made her eyes lighten…he was a star…
beautiful and bright,
And she looked at me like I was the royalty…
That sprang from his thighs…but him,
he knew…
and so did you…
but only about him because we are homonyms…
and there are more similarities than
the pronunciation of the name…
and the way that we stand behind the stars…
that we hold so close…to make the world
a little more beautiful…loud...confident....and lovely…
as they shine through our shyness...guiding our way.
But you, my dear, dear love,
were not my star….you were the candle that lit my way…
untill the candle flickered out...
Did you know that after you left…
Two years of snow covered ground and bees
Two years of the seasons….bugs, and decay
Of your dreams….of your house…
Of the security that you wanted to wrap your self in
Of the frozen Christmas cookies left in a tin….
hiding in the bottom of the Maytag….
that still stands there...running...alone...
Who knew that someone else….in a world
Far, far away… would light up at the mention of
Your name…of the memory of your glory…
of an invisible fame...
Yes, my dear, dear love….yet another…
Another dim Alter…
far from the candle wax that burns…
as it drips down the wall…as it engulfs this
memory darkened hall…
my aorta…clogging
my valves ...
with trinkets and old photos…
paper thin hands and dump perfumes…
but not for you!…
And, you were so beautiful…that someone
would rise from deathbed
and wrap their hair… for you …
who thought yourself absurd….
tiny orphan...child of a crime,
of passion and insanity…
Watching, with pain, the beloved blood that dripped from my arms…
The same angry blood that ran in daddy’s Sioux veins…
And out of the back of mother’s tired, poverty- stricken Irish head.
You…on hands and knees…cleaning house for
The rich…for the kids in the cafeteria…
For him…from job to job….to job… always standing
behind…
and he was there today too…
he made her eyes lighten…he was a star…
beautiful and bright,
And she looked at me like I was the royalty…
That sprang from his thighs…but him,
he knew…
and so did you…
but only about him because we are homonyms…
and there are more similarities than
the pronunciation of the name…
and the way that we stand behind the stars…
that we hold so close…to make the world
a little more beautiful…loud...confident....and lovely…
as they shine through our shyness...guiding our way.
But you, my dear, dear love,
were not my star….you were the candle that lit my way…
untill the candle flickered out...
..."she loved incredibly long sentences"...by C.B.
It was June when my whole world changed from black to pink. It all happened on the night after he said that we shouldn't mind...what he wanted you to do...but you did....and you said that you couldn't. We were walking side by side, smelling like smoke and whiskey, two-thirty in the morning, mist in the air, meeting a young, muscular, African-American, soldier, giving him your name, straddling him with your back on an a.t.m. outside of Sunflower bank, your tongue in his mouth, me lying in dewy grass, uncomfortable on a hill, trying not to look, feeling strangely upset, saying we gotta go, the long silent walk to the car, Slim Shady on the radio, swerving up trooper's hill, sitting way too close on my front porch, talking to my drunk brother-in-law, choking on cigarettes and whatever else you had to smoke, following you to the bathroom, sitting on the floor, you saying, "now I have to go- back to Texas, Wyoming, or somewhere," crying because I can't understand, begging you not to leave me all alone with him, simple words...not whipsered in many years....and never from my lips..."I love you" feeling sick when you hush me with your hand, going up to bed, dejected, rejected and sad, lying on the bottom bunk in my son's empty room, you coming in, touching my cheek, whispering in the dark, "kiss me-even Xena didn't have to wait fifteen years," crying because I can't, but only because of him, waking at four in the morning, feeling your soft lips against mine, your tongue in my mouth, and butterflies in my stomach, kissing your neck, making love for the first time in seven years, my angry captor...sleeping soundly with the babies in my bed, your shirt on the floor, feeling aroused for the first time ever, moving together in love, feeling uncomfortable for a moment, (remembering being fourteen, sleepovers at my grandma's house, holding your hand, coconut-suntan and shorts, "Arachnaphobia" on a rented V.C.R., in the shadowy-dark, your giggles as I jump and turn on the lights, tickling each other until we can't breathe, throwing popcorn all over my room, falling to sleep, holding your hand,) but only feeling this for a moment, as my hand unbuttons your bra, your licks sending goose-bumps all over, holding your hand, like a million times before, childishly exploring everything, kissing your leg, noting the coffee-stained birthmark on your inner thigh, touching places that I would have never even been able to see, even after 20 years of sharing everything, kissing all the way up your stomach, over your breasts, running my tongue from your shoulder to your ear, feeling your body shiver and tense, you clasping my hand, deep breath of excitement, when I whisper, "Don't worry Xena, Gabrielle's finally here."
on movies...and one in particular
When we were kids Jessie loved the movie "The Color Purple," she watched it over and over and over. Jessie watched it so much that I actually read the book. Now....the book got a lot of bad press about the negative way that it portrayed African American men. However, I think that it was probably very true to the lifestyle that many people of all races lived during the time period. I don't think that it was a testament to the black man...rather a testament to the inequality that pervaded much of the country until the late 1900s....especially much of the south. However, I believe that the true injustice wasn't the way that the book....and the movie portrayed either men or women...the true injustice was that the movie decided to change the whole entire story and make it a religious testament....and a story that stayed far away from the nature of the book...and the nature of the love affair that was Sug Avery and Miss Celie. Now, this isnt the only movie that I love that did that...."Fried Green Tomatoes" was completely changed...with the love affair taken out of that too. And yet...great movies...and yet we took what we could and identified with what was there...."Towanda,".....because that was all that we were given to identify with then.
Anyway, the movie "The Color Purple" was a very big movie for a ten year old girl. And yet, it was recited...word for word...and checked out over and over. Another testament to the fact that although 3 years younger....Jess was always emotionally older than me. I would have never found interest in a movie like that had she not made me watch it so many times.....so....what is the point of this narrative?
Well....Jess is quite famous for singing "Miss Celie's Blues." She can sing it with the best of them....Baby can sing beautifully....have to get a few drinks in her for her to be comfortable enough to really let it loose. But...when she does...wow! Jess can sing almost anything... but the blues are a favorite for everyone...from everything from Etta James to Billy Holiday..."In her autumn years" But Miss Celies is the request that all of our friends ask for.
I was looking the video up on youtube to put on the front of the profile. And then, I decided to put the song Mandi always requests on the front and put "sister" here......why? ...because of this memory. When Jess was 14 years old her mom let her come and stay with me at my apartment. This was a little funny because her parents were very, very strict...and yet they let her stay for weeks on end....2 hours away...at a teenagers first apt. But, I was very responsible...I guess a little too much...and very (what are the words that jess and my friends use to describe....improperly moral...yeah that is it) anyway, we did drink...but jess drank at home and with her other friends anyway....like I said....she was way more mature than I was. One night I thought it would be fun to take jessie to a coffee house for poetry reading. I was a poet and I thought that I would make jess think that I was terribly artistic because I went to places like coffee shops...wore black...and hung out with artsy people. Well I took her...all dressed up and with her hair perfectly in place....looking like a young version of some movie star....jess was (and is) very...very pretty....but when she was young....wow! Anyway, I was not very cool...poet yes...but cool....no. So, I read my poem. It went over fabulously....of course...I am usually very emotional....so if skill is missing...I kill em with emotion lol. Anyway, I came back through the crowds generous claps... to jess....sitting in a mini skirt and dress sweater. "Wow Carrie that was great," but I don't have to do that right? I can't even write" I smiled...."No, you can just watch everyone...that is o.k. I have another poem that I can do later...you can read it if you want to" Jess looked at the piece of paper..." I don't know...that would be weird." The night went on...I read my second poem...a love poem. "Who did you write that for?" Jess looked at me suspiciously. "I wrote it for you silly." Yes...we were in love....for ever and ever....but, we were both straight....and we never were together (in a love way) until we were in our mid twenties...but the feeling was alway there...pulling our hearts together. Anyway, Jess loved that I wrote a poem for her. She went and gave her name to the guy standing by the stage. "What are you going to do?" You could never tell with Jess....she was a crazy girl. They called her name before she could sit back down....Jess walked up to the stage...sat on the bar stool...in front of a packed room....and with a timid voice said...."Well....I can't write anything...but I was wondering if I could sing you all a song?" I want to sing it to my best friend because I love her with all of my heart." People looked a little nervous...a pretty girl with no music....well anyone that has ever been to kareoke knows what could happen there...but....people yelled "Do it!" Jess gathered herself up....changed the way she was standing (always impersonating) and said, "This song is called Miss Celies Blues....cuz she scratches out my head when I was ailing." She started to sing...and everyone was silent staring up at the very bluesy voice that was coming out of the little blonde white girl....it was strong...southern and sweet....and she sang it to me. We were caught in the moment...alone in front of a full room of pseudo-hippys and dark...sullen poets. She sang it just like sug....without any music....all alone
...Well she was famous for the rest of the night. Guys were asking her out and no one could believe that she was as young as she was....with a voice like that (and....I kept telling the young men...her age...because I didn't like the way they were talking to her....I thought I had to protect her...and keep her safe....and I never understood the feelings that went along with it....untill I was much older...but I know by the way that she acted with all of my friends and boyfriends...that jess felt the very same way...and didn't understand it either)
Anyway, we probably went to Denny's after the poetry readin.... or something else... silly like that. Maybe we went to my apartment and rented movies (always a favorite) but i couldn't stop looking at her. She was famous...
The other night some friends asked her to sing...and lucky for us she was drunk...we didn't have to beg and make asses of ourselves...cuz she wanted to sing...and she sang a whole line of blues....with grand voice and she ended it with "Celies Blues" and, for all of those that couldn't be there...and missed a truly beautiful performance.....
Anyway, the movie "The Color Purple" was a very big movie for a ten year old girl. And yet, it was recited...word for word...and checked out over and over. Another testament to the fact that although 3 years younger....Jess was always emotionally older than me. I would have never found interest in a movie like that had she not made me watch it so many times.....so....what is the point of this narrative?
Well....Jess is quite famous for singing "Miss Celie's Blues." She can sing it with the best of them....Baby can sing beautifully....have to get a few drinks in her for her to be comfortable enough to really let it loose. But...when she does...wow! Jess can sing almost anything... but the blues are a favorite for everyone...from everything from Etta James to Billy Holiday..."In her autumn years" But Miss Celies is the request that all of our friends ask for.
I was looking the video up on youtube to put on the front of the profile. And then, I decided to put the song Mandi always requests on the front and put "sister" here......why? ...because of this memory. When Jess was 14 years old her mom let her come and stay with me at my apartment. This was a little funny because her parents were very, very strict...and yet they let her stay for weeks on end....2 hours away...at a teenagers first apt. But, I was very responsible...I guess a little too much...and very (what are the words that jess and my friends use to describe....improperly moral...yeah that is it) anyway, we did drink...but jess drank at home and with her other friends anyway....like I said....she was way more mature than I was. One night I thought it would be fun to take jessie to a coffee house for poetry reading. I was a poet and I thought that I would make jess think that I was terribly artistic because I went to places like coffee shops...wore black...and hung out with artsy people. Well I took her...all dressed up and with her hair perfectly in place....looking like a young version of some movie star....jess was (and is) very...very pretty....but when she was young....wow! Anyway, I was not very cool...poet yes...but cool....no. So, I read my poem. It went over fabulously....of course...I am usually very emotional....so if skill is missing...I kill em with emotion lol. Anyway, I came back through the crowds generous claps... to jess....sitting in a mini skirt and dress sweater. "Wow Carrie that was great," but I don't have to do that right? I can't even write" I smiled...."No, you can just watch everyone...that is o.k. I have another poem that I can do later...you can read it if you want to" Jess looked at the piece of paper..." I don't know...that would be weird." The night went on...I read my second poem...a love poem. "Who did you write that for?" Jess looked at me suspiciously. "I wrote it for you silly." Yes...we were in love....for ever and ever....but, we were both straight....and we never were together (in a love way) until we were in our mid twenties...but the feeling was alway there...pulling our hearts together. Anyway, Jess loved that I wrote a poem for her. She went and gave her name to the guy standing by the stage. "What are you going to do?" You could never tell with Jess....she was a crazy girl. They called her name before she could sit back down....Jess walked up to the stage...sat on the bar stool...in front of a packed room....and with a timid voice said...."Well....I can't write anything...but I was wondering if I could sing you all a song?" I want to sing it to my best friend because I love her with all of my heart." People looked a little nervous...a pretty girl with no music....well anyone that has ever been to kareoke knows what could happen there...but....people yelled "Do it!" Jess gathered herself up....changed the way she was standing (always impersonating) and said, "This song is called Miss Celies Blues....cuz she scratches out my head when I was ailing." She started to sing...and everyone was silent staring up at the very bluesy voice that was coming out of the little blonde white girl....it was strong...southern and sweet....and she sang it to me. We were caught in the moment...alone in front of a full room of pseudo-hippys and dark...sullen poets. She sang it just like sug....without any music....all alone
...Well she was famous for the rest of the night. Guys were asking her out and no one could believe that she was as young as she was....with a voice like that (and....I kept telling the young men...her age...because I didn't like the way they were talking to her....I thought I had to protect her...and keep her safe....and I never understood the feelings that went along with it....untill I was much older...but I know by the way that she acted with all of my friends and boyfriends...that jess felt the very same way...and didn't understand it either)
Anyway, we probably went to Denny's after the poetry readin.... or something else... silly like that. Maybe we went to my apartment and rented movies (always a favorite) but i couldn't stop looking at her. She was famous...
The other night some friends asked her to sing...and lucky for us she was drunk...we didn't have to beg and make asses of ourselves...cuz she wanted to sing...and she sang a whole line of blues....with grand voice and she ended it with "Celies Blues" and, for all of those that couldn't be there...and missed a truly beautiful performance.....
Friday, August 10, 2007
june 2007
Hey...CanJ here...just click on archives 2007 in the right navigation bar and everything will show up on one page. :)
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