..."she loved incredibly long sentences"...by C.B.

It was June when my whole world changed from black to pink. It all happened on the night after he said that we shouldn't mind...what he wanted you to do...but you did....and you said that you couldn't. We were walking side by side, smelling like smoke and whiskey, two-thirty in the morning, mist in the air, meeting a young, muscular, African-American, soldier, giving him your name, straddling him with your back on an a.t.m. outside of Sunflower bank, your tongue in his mouth, me lying in dewy grass, uncomfortable on a hill, trying not to look, feeling strangely upset, saying we gotta go, the long silent walk to the car, Slim Shady on the radio, swerving up trooper's hill, sitting way too close on my front porch, talking to my drunk brother-in-law, choking on cigarettes and whatever else you had to smoke, following you to the bathroom, sitting on the floor, you saying, "now I have to go- back to Texas, Wyoming, or somewhere," crying because I can't understand, begging you not to leave me all alone with him, simple words...not whipsered in many years....and never from my lips..."I love you" feeling sick when you hush me with your hand, going up to bed, dejected, rejected and sad, lying on the bottom bunk in my son's empty room, you coming in, touching my cheek, whispering in the dark, "kiss me-even Xena didn't have to wait fifteen years," crying because I can't, but only because of him, waking at four in the morning, feeling your soft lips against mine, your tongue in my mouth, and butterflies in my stomach, kissing your neck, making love for the first time in seven years, my angry captor...sleeping soundly with the babies in my bed, your shirt on the floor, feeling aroused for the first time ever, moving together in love, feeling uncomfortable for a moment, (remembering being fourteen, sleepovers at my grandma's house, holding your hand, coconut-suntan and shorts, "Arachnaphobia" on a rented V.C.R., in the shadowy-dark, your giggles as I jump and turn on the lights, tickling each other until we can't breathe, throwing popcorn all over my room, falling to sleep, holding your hand,) but only feeling this for a moment, as my hand unbuttons your bra, your licks sending goose-bumps all over, holding your hand, like a million times before, childishly exploring everything, kissing your leg, noting the coffee-stained birthmark on your inner thigh, touching places that I would have never even been able to see, even after 20 years of sharing everything, kissing all the way up your stomach, over your breasts, running my tongue from your shoulder to your ear, feeling your body shiver and tense, you clasping my hand, deep breath of excitement, when I whisper, "Don't worry Xena, Gabrielle's finally here."